Y Friday, September 08, 2006
back frm thailand trip with mum, dad and grandma. dad's friend "tour" us around bangkok fro 4 days 3 night. okiie lahz. quite like it. first time going overseas with dad. i dunno. chee hao said we still could be friends and that i can talk to him when i'm bored. then i asked him if we're friends, he said dun noe. then he said,"you just want to be friends?" then i said more than that, maybe patch, but since he likes someone else then i can't ask for more. i didn't cry since saturday but damn it, my tears wouldn't stop flowing. same for this morning. i mean we talked on the phone but we didn't say anything other then,"you okiie?" that's it. then he told me," i tell you something you don't sad. (...) i got new stead le." then i cried silently over the phone. then i asked him who is his stead, he said," can don't tell you?" then i said okiie. then i asked him how long they stead, he said dun noe. tmr is sept 8. if only that day wouldn't come. SUPPOSE to be me and chee hao 4th month till he (...). oso one of my mummy and one of my jiie jiie 3rd mth, my parent's 14 years anniversary, 2 days after my best fren and her stead 3rd mth, 2 days after my other best fren and her stead 1st month, westlife concert, one day before my god bro's b.dae, 6 days before justin's b.dae, 22 days before benjamin's b.dae and 23 days before childrens' day. -.- somemore got co. if only tonight i could sleep and never wake up. now i duno how i'm feeling. sad? that's he moving on so quickly. happy? he's got a gurl whom he truly loves (which is obviously not me cause as far as i noe, he only liked me for 3 days and i foolishly or blindly accepted him cause i was so lost during the "justin period"). depressed? demoralised? lost? i duno. i thought of going to the canteen during recess for a meal or something when school reopens cause i was recuperating but after what i knew, guess not. sigh. really. i'm now like a piece of cookie dunked in a cup of milk, crumbling up, breaking down into little bits and pieces. i dunno. *cries bitterly and silently*
vulnerable;
Y
4:45 AM